I’m No Expert

I love to listen.  To everyone, and everything.  I do feel that my words have meaning.  But I am no expert on anything.

I have been asked many times where my inner strength comes from.  It comes from my need to have my kids and grandkids have the best life they can.  I could choose to throw the proverbial towel in and end it all, but I won’t.  It is not fair to anyone, including me.

I would not say I am a relationship expert.  However, I do know a lot about what has worked and not worked, simply by listening to you all.  I would not say I am a parenting expert.  However, I have done the best I could do in every situation.

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I would not say I am even a good daughter or sister.  Many times in this life of mine I have had to walk away.  But that was what needed to happen.

I would however, say I am an expert at being me.  I am the only one who knows the details of my failed marriages.  I am the only one who knows why I left each one.  I am the only one who knows me.  Trust me when I say that as vocal as I am, I keep a lot of things to myself.  Most of you have no idea what it is like to live my life, and I am grateful you don’t know.  There is a lot of pain, despair, fear, hopelessness, disease, depression and medical issues that go with being me.  Things I would not wish on anyone.

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There is however the other side of me.  The side that has grown to love writing.  The side that loves to hug my grown sons.  The side that loves my alone time.  The side that enjoys walking with my dogs, listening to music and reading.   The side that just enjoys the little things.

So before you judge me, remember I have reasons for the way I am.  These reasons make me ME. 

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